I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
