I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
