doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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