I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
