singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
