Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
