So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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