why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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