I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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