and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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