How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize