Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
nutella sex= disaster
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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