STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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