I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
