I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Pants are for mortals
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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