I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
