4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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