You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
