Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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