woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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