I'm lost and stupid without you.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
