he puts the penis in happiness.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
