yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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