there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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