i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got inside last night via doggy door
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
