life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
