So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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