walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
