im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
