I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
