I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
