I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
