But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Help. Why am I so naked?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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