community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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