Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
