6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
