Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize