I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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