no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
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