And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize