dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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