Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
