i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
