Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
