Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Drake has all the answers
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
