He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
