so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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