dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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