I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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