I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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