I'm jealous of your bromance
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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