Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
