All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
