i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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