Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
