Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
