Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize