just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
