At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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