You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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