I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
