Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
