oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
