I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
