so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
