I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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