I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
